Anger; Wrong or Necessary?

Anybody can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way—is not easy.

Aristotle

Do You Manage Anger, or Does Anger Manage You?

We all become angry from time to time. Anger is not wrong, it is a natural and necessary emotion. As Dr. Les Carter puts it, “Anger can be defined as ‘the emotion of self-preservation.’ Angry people wish to preserve personal worth, perceived needs, and heartfelt convictions.” Like countries at war protecting borders, angry people are attempting to protect their personal boundaries. For many, it is our response to anger rather than anger itself that is the problem. Some of us shut down, while others lash out. Some leak their anger using sarcasm and cynism to avoid addressing the real issue. For countless people (myself included), anger management presents itself as a lifelong and ripe opportunity for self-improvement. Whether we have an abundance of courage but at times lack the appropriate discipline to act considerately, or if we at times lack the courage to openly and honestly stand up for our feelings and convictions, there is room for improvement.

Essential Rules

The following are a set of essential rules to help us benefit from and manage our anger:

1. It is okay to be angry.
2. It is okay to talk about what kindles our anger and how we feel when we are angry. Recall from VerAegis―Relationships calling upon the FBI (feelings, behavior, impact).
3. It is not okay to hurt people physically or with our words when we are angry.
4. It is not okay to damage property (ours or others’) when we are angry.

Anger Is Not the Opposite of Love

Many are those who struggle with the idea of an angry God, mistakenly thinking that an angry God is not a loving God. Take notice, however, that God revealed himself to the authors of the Bible, as being slow to anger and abounding in love. Anger is not the opposite of love; hate is the opposite of love. Think about those whom you love most deeply: are they not precisely the same people who can drive you to anger more often and quickly than any others?

When you are emotionally vested and believe someone you love is doing wrong (not fulfilling your expectations), you become angry—sometimes infuriated. We are not so different from God in this regard; it is because He loves us that He becomes angry when we do wrong, and He takes pleasure in us when we do well. His anger is displeasure. Our anger too is most often displeasure—not dislike. The key to being effective is responding to our anger in the right way, at the right time and for the right reason.

“Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” Psalm 4:4 (NKJV)