We Cannot Be Our Best Without the Help of Others!

Personal Growth: Are We Better Together?

Last week we began a new learning series aimed at helping each of us manage the personal growth and change we hope to see in our lives. Please join us in an online series of blogs or at New Heights Church or both! Learn more about this series by clicking here. Last week, we began the series by examining the fragile balance between relationships, our contribution, and our inner spirit. This week we jumped more deeply into relationships.

Abraham Maslow: Self-Improvement Requires Relationships

Abraham Maslow taught that the path to improved mental health is through personal growth. He is probably best known for his hierarchy of needs, which is predicated on the assumption that while on the path of personal growth, one will not be able to focus on esoteric needs before fulfilling basic needs. Further, Maslow’s hierarchy implies that relationships are not merely luxuries but are essential as we endeavor to attain even these most basic necessities, such as water, food, security, and shelter.

Only once we have met our most fundamental needs, do we become motivated to focus on the next level of social and esteem requirements, which by definition are relationship oriented. In fact, a network of friends and family is necessary for the realization of our full potential as individuals (self-actualization), which is the highest level of need or motivation in Maslow’s hierarchy. See VerAegis Relationships and VerAegis LifeLine for more details.

Join us on our Journey With Maslow and Covey

VerAegis Lifeline guides us on a journey to a life where we are in control of rather than enslaved by our anger. If you haven’t done so already, read Chapter 2 in VerAegis LifeLine. In his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey describes a maturity continuum that spans three personal habits that lead first to personal victories; three interpersonal habits that lead next to public victories, and an all-encompassing seventh habit of continual improvement.

Covey’s maturity continuum and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs seem to use different words to describe the singular concept of personal growth, and both models emphasize that relationships are foundational to our personal growth. We, through our relationships, strive to climb—and in turn, influence others to rise—from dependence to independence via personal victories and eventually to interdependence via public achievements. Interdependence is the highest level of self-actualization.

Questions to Ponder

As you ponder the following questions, refer to pages 12 and 13 in VerAegis LifeLine!

In seeking interdependent relationships, it is natural to surround ourselves with those who have complementary skills and gifts. We don’t benefit much from duplicates of ourselves; we need people whose skills interweave with our own to help us and the group as a whole become more productive than we could be alone. Thus, we must learn to defer to the expertise of others in areas where their skills and judgment exceed our own, just like our friends, family, and colleagues must, at times, yield to our expertise in situations where our skills and understanding are superior.

1. What happens to an individual’s emotional state of mind if they are interacting primarily in the higher echelons of Maslow’s hierarchy and all of a sudden they feel unloved and disrespected by a significant person in their life?
2. As we spiral down the hierarchy, how might we respond when we fear for our emotional and possibly physical safety? What natural instincts take effect?
3. In what situations do you feel unloved or disrespected? How do you respond?

Relationships are necessary for our self-fulfillment and personal effectiveness. Personal effectiveness means that we achieve our goals in such a way that we maintain or improve our relations.

1. Could you have gotten to where you are today without people who devoted time teaching you?
2. Who in your life (friends, family, colleagues and so forth) is a positive or negative influence?
3. When are you a positive or negative influence on others (friends, family, colleagues and so forth)?

Next steps 

1. Complete Personal Reflections  & SkillWork on pages 13-15 of VerAegis LifeLine.
2. If it is ‘safe’ to do so, share your reflections and learnings with a friend or loved one!
3. In VerAegis Relationships, read: What Motivates You?
4. Sign up for our newsletter and get ready to develop new and healthier habits!

If you haven’t done so already, stop by (online) at Amazon to pick up your copy of VerAegis LifeLine.